Liquid Courage Read online

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Keep Up With Hildred

  Liquid Courage

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Epilogue

  Join Me On Facebook

  Author Bio

  Special Preview: Bound

  Also Available

  Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Keep Up With Hildred

  Liquid Courage

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Epilogue

  Join Me On Facebook

  Author Bio

  Special Preview: Bound

  Also Available

  Liquid Courage

  Hildred Billings

  BARACHOU PRESS

  Liquid Courage

  Copyright: Hildred Billings

  Published: December 30th, 2017

  Publisher: Barachou Press

  This is a work of fiction. Any and all similarities to any characters, settings, or situations are purely coincidental.

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in retrieval system, copied in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise transmitted without written permission from the publisher. You must not circulate this book in any format.

  Keep up with Hildred’s latest releases by joining her mailing list! Behind the scenes, first looks, and even some free snippets!

  Liquid Courage

  Chapter 1

  Vivian left her house for the bar, stomach somersaulting between excitement and an increasing sense of dread.

  “You’re going to do great,” her sister Phyllis said over the phone. Vivian’s stomach continued to lurch long before the bus arrived. “Remember, this gal approached you first! Aren’t you excited about that? Just go and rock it!”

  No matter what her sister said, however, Vivian couldn’t get too excited. Shari had sent a random message two nights ago, true, but a girl knew better than to get her hopes up. “Hey, beautiful.” Shari had written on the dating website. “How about you and I get some drinks and see where it goes from there?”

  Clearly, a sign from God that she was once more desirable. A year ago, Vivian had fallen ill and was hospitalized for more than a month. She lost so much weight that her family barely recognized her, and her own mother lamented more than once that her daughter was nothing but a frightening, skinny wraith who was a literal shell of her former self. Recovering meant more than losing the infection. It meant retraining her brain to eat and keep it down while putting the weight back on. But the message had been as clear as the city’s central clock tower on an average day: she was far from attractive, and no one would ever think she was beautiful again.

  Since then, Vivian had gained some of the weight back, although the voices remained in the back of her head. At least she could recognize herself in the mirror again. Not only was the weight coming back, but color had returned to her face and her hair no longer looked like a stringy mess from hell. Chopping it off to above the shoulders had been more than cathartic. It represented her road to recovery.

  Still, she was so busy with returning to work at a law firm and getting the rest of her life back together that she neglected to update her photos on the dating site. Who had time to think about dating when she was catching up on bills, friends, and her cousin having a baby? Vivian hadn’t thought about it until she received the message from Shari. When she asked her sister if she still looked the same, Phyllis said, “Are you kidding? It’s all Vivi to me!”

  So to have a gorgeous – albeit random – woman like Shari ask Vivian out like it was nothing? For the first time in a year, Vivian had an excuse to dress up and head out for some fun.

  Vivian hopped off the bus and headed toward the bar in the middle of the block. Her heart continued to flutter the closer she came to her date. Calm down, girl. You’re going to give yourself palpitations before you even see this woman in the flesh. Flesh! Who knew Vivian could finally think about sex again? It had been so damn long since she enjoyed the company of another woman like that. The nurses at the hospital had been cute, and a few even flirted with her when Phyllis told them her sister was a ragin’ lesbian, but Vivian had been too sick to appreciate it. By the time she was released from the hospital, she was too embarrassed to follow through. Besides, she had more important things to think about. Like work. And those taxes she filed a million extensions on.

  She had thought a lot about dating, romance, and sex since Shari sparked that part of her brain again. Right. Those things existed. They were things Vivian used to genuinely enjoy before her life became infected with shit.

  The bar was one of the few in the region catering to women. Not necessarily queer women, either, but many of those persuasions went there for a lack of other places to call their own.

  Bit emptier than I remember… Granted, it was the middle of the week, and the place was rarely hopping. A part of Vivian had hoped the place had picked up more business in the year since she had last been there. But the only other people in the quiet bar were two small groups of friends who played a relaxing game of pool or talked over their rounds of beers. The bartender, a woman Vivian didn’t recognize, stood behind the service station and cleaned the drink ware.

  Vivian looked around. Where was Shari, the woman with beautiful black curls like in her picture? “I’ll be wearing red, if you know what I mean.” Vivian had no idea what that meant. Hopefully it was sexy.

  The barstool creaked as Vivian sat down and ordered a drink. She picked up some peanuts and cracked each one open, regretting it every time shells littered the counter. None of them agreed to amass on the napkin Vivian had placed beneath her hands.

  She waited ten minutes. Vivian checked her phone to see if any new messages awaited her. None so far. Maybe Shari was running late…

  …Maybe she had been stood up.

  “Are you Vivian?”

  That voice could only belong to the siren named Shari. Vivian craned her head over her shoulder, peanuts falling from her mouth. “Hi!” she called, holding out her hand to shake Shari’s. What a beauty! Tall, svelte, and with such gorgeous long locks and a body-hugging red dress that made the stars weep rain.

  Shari sat next to Vivian and ordered a stronger drink than what her date summoned. The bartender meandered over, this time with a sullen countenance that did not match the indifferent demeanor she offered Vivian only ten minutes ago. What was that for? She hadn’t looked at Vivian that way. Did these two know each other?

  Don’t tell me you brought me here to torment your ex…

  “Thanks.” Shari said with a sniff as the bartender walked away. “Don’t mind her,” she then said to Vivian. “She’s a bit cold toward certain people.”

  “Why?”

  Shari’s smile allowed her perfectly white teeth to shine in the lights. “Personal reasons. So, tell me about yourself.”

  Vivian didn’t know where to begin, let alone after being put on the spot like that. It was best to let Shari draw answers out of her. When Vivian mentioned that she had been sick recently, Shari sat back as i
f her date were still contagious. Hardly! Vivian had to explain that she was perfectly safe to be around… or at least Shari wouldn’t get anything from her. The joke fell flat as Shari forced a smile and returned to sipping her drink.

  Although Vivian hadn’t been on a date for a quite a while, she didn’t think they were supposed to be… this awkward. Where was the flirty, fun Shari from online? They had swapped a few hot messages over the past two days. Talking to Shari in real life was like communicating with a different persona. Definitely did not boost Vivian’s confidence, and she ended up clamping her mouth shut in fear of saying something stupid. Whenever Shari made eye contact, Vivian couldn’t help but look away. It didn’t help that Shari’s countenance became increasingly annoyed. What a hot date!

  Maybe Vivian was still rusty at dating. Or maybe something was actually wrong. Something neither Shari nor Vivian saw coming when they left their respective homes earlier that evening. Why did Shari study the woman beside her as if she were lying?

  Confidence continued to further plummet, and Vivian ordered a second, stronger drink to reflect it. Maybe the alcohol would give her liquid courage and put her back on her game. Or maybe it would make her so drunk that she could bear this shitty date before it was over and she was dumped on the street.

  Their drinks consumed, Shari expressed that she felt tired and wanted to go home. Alone. “Oh,” Vivian said. “I see. Thanks for taking the time to meet me.”

  She was willing to let it go. After all, sparks hadn’t exactly flown while she and Shari shared drinks and stilted conversation. Vivian recognized when a date bombed, but it didn’t matter. It had given her an excuse to get out of house for the first time in forever. She had a smile on her face when she pushed some of the ice around the bottom of her glass and considered ordering a third to enjoy by herself before heading home.

  “By the way,” Shari said, putting on her coat. “You might want to update your pictures on the website.”

  Vivian turned toward her. “Come again?”

  Scowling, Shari pointed to Vivian’s stomach. “I barely recognized you. Either you’re doing some Photoshopping magic, or you’re really good at camera angles.” She laughed. “Sorry, but I like a girl with a little more meat on her bones. I think it’s important to keep your pictures updated so you don’t waste people’s time. Have a good night.”

  Shari stepped out as if her shit didn’t stink and she was the hottest woman in town. Well, to be fair, she kinda is. Yet Vivian was too shocked to admire that voluptuous derriere as it sauntered out of the bar, Miss Shari’s nose up in the air to make sure she didn’t smell her shit that didn’t stink.

  Vivian remained at the bar, alone, her empty glass in front of her while she attempted to process what had happened. Did Shari… imply she was nothing but an ugly sack of bones? Vivian pulled out her compact and gazed at her own face. Was it gaunt? Could the world still tell how sickly she had been? Something wet was at the corner of her eye. She wiped it away and closed the compact.

  She knew it. How could she go out on a date like this, knowing how ugly she was? Of course a beautiful woman didn’t think she was sexually attractive. Not even pretty enough to be treated with common decency. Sure, Vivian hadn’t planned on dating this woman long-term, unless things headed in that direction. This was motivated by sex and nothing else. Sex that no one would ever want to have with Vivian. Gaining her weight back hadn’t been easy. Now, the whole world knew it.

  Vivian wiped more tears away. Should she go home with her tail tucked between her legs? She considered calling her sister. What good would that do, though? What would Phyllis do? Listen to her sister cry because some woman was mean to her?

  “Hey. I saw what happened.”

  Vivian looked up. The bartender stood before her, back from the other end of the bar where she must have witnessed this sorry shit show. “Sorry you had to hear that,” Vivian said. “That was so embarrassing.”

  “Don’t be embarrassed.” The bartender, a lean woman wearing red flannel and sporting a ring in her nose, drew back her upper lip as if to sneer in Shari’s direction. “You’re not the first one she’s pulled that stunt on.”

  “What?”

  “I’m serious.” A rag passed over the far end of the bar. Streaks of mildly soapy water faded on the countertop as the bartender spoke. “That woman comes in here every other week with a new ‘date.’ I don’t know where she gets you guys. On the street, off some app… whatever. Point is, she trolls for fresh meat to fuck with. I can tell within five minutes if she’s gonna be rude or not. Let me tell you, it happens more often than not.”

  “How so?”

  “For one, most of the girls she brings here end up going home alone, either crying or punching shit. So while it hurts, you shouldn’t take it personally. That woman ain’t right in the head. She’s obsessed with appearances. The shallowest kind of person you can find. If she had gotten you into bed and didn’t like your birthmark? Oh, boy. Say goodnight to your self-esteem right in the middle of sex.”

  Vivian didn’t know whether to be relieved or to gag on her own spit. “That doesn’t mean it hurts any less. Do you wanna be told you’re too skinny to be attractive?”

  “You’re not too skinny.”

  “You sure? I came down with something nasty last year. Been in recovery for a few months, but that sort of thing fucks up your body really bad. It’s hard for me to keep weight on right now. Sounds like a paradise, I guess, but I feel so brittle sometimes!” Vivian sighed. On one hand, how pathetic was it that she said this shit to a total stranger? On the other, that’s what bartenders were for. Especially cute ones with piercings, undercut hair, and a double-Venus necklace hanging low on her chest. “I used to be fairly athletic a while back. Now I feel like I’ll never build that muscle up again. I can’t even play softball like I used to, and I love softball. Sure, I can do simple exercises, and obviously I’m not sick anymore, but…” More tears. “It’s hard! I already feel like I’m trapped in this body that I barely recognize. Whenever I look in the mirror, I feel like I’m looking at a stranger. My friends and family tell me that I look the same, but when someone like that woman sees the same thing I do… how do I not take it personally?”

  The bartender remained a good listener. Of course she was. She was a fuckin’ bartender, and it was in her job description! “That’s really tough. I get it. But you can’t let a shithead like her reinforce what you’re thinking. If you do that, it’ll only make things worse. Besides, she’s not seeing what you’re seeing. She’s seeing a projection of what she hates the most.”

  Vivian considered that with a single sniff. “I suppose you’re right,” she said. “Still, that doesn’t stop it from hurting.”

  “Of course it doesn’t. Because that was rude as fuck.”

  At least she agreed. Vivian held up her empty glass and asked for one more. The bartender gave it to her on the house.

  “To whom do I owe this pleasure, anyway?” Vivian asked, happy to see her glass full of alcohol again. One more and she would be done with this bar and Shari for good. “I didn’t get your name.”

  The bartender smiled. Funny how a single smile could feminize a woman’s appearance. Vivian wasn’t attracted to one form of gender expression over the other. She was more attracted to how a woman owned her appearance and personality, and what she did with it in any situation. Shari had used her femininity to lure women into being insulted and hurt. The bartender offered a more masculine aura behind the counter, but the moment she smiled, it was like the glass barrier between them shattered. The remaining ice in Vivian’s drink reminded her of that.

  This woman was the glorious opposite of Shari. While that woman’s vanity would surely be the end of her, the casual bartender remained effortlessly confident as she leaned against the bar and tugged at the sleeves of her red flannel shirt. “The name’s Kat,” she said, still smiling like she had won some grand prize. “You didn’t catch it because I never told you what it was.”


  Vivian held up her final glass of the night. “Thanks, Kat. I’m glad you told me about Shari, because it sure don’t feel good being on the receiving end of her shit.”

  “You’ll forget about it soon enough. You’ll be getting so many compliments that it’ll be a blip in your history.”

  Alcohol bubbled in Vivian’s glass. “You think so, huh?”

  “I know it.”

  Vivian didn’t know if Kat was flirting with her. Bartenders were paid their worth in tips if they were charming enough. It’s working on me. Too bad she couldn’t tell if those sparkling eyes or those wagging brows told the truth or wanted Vivian to feel better about her shitty situation – and nothing more.

  Other patrons came into the bar and sat not too far from Vivian, forcing Kat to wander away. Vivian remained at her end, sighing into her glass of alcohol as she tried to decide what to do with the rest of her night. Cry? Eat some ice cream? Cry some more? Hell, why not? She hadn’t had a good cry since the sickness hit. Never had the energy to cry.

  “Thanks,” she said to Kat as she slipped off her stool, grabbed her purse, and wandered out of the bar. When she arrived an hour earlier, she had no idea if she would be leaving alone or not. Turned out she would, with only her hurt feelings to make her feel better as she walked down to the bus stop in the dark.

  At least hurt feelings were better than no feelings. Sometimes it was nice to be reminded that she was alive after suffering in the hospital for so long.

  Chapter 2

  “Who was the pretty girl with the long face?” Harriet asked, her elbow on the bar and her glass full of freshly mixed gin and tonic. The friends she came in with took their drinks to the pool table while Harriet remained behind to shoot the breeze with Kat. It’s all right. She’s one of my favorite mid-week patrons. Harriet worked at an auto shop down the street. Wednesdays were the worst, she always said. People who tried to make it through the week with sputtering cars ended up giving up by Wednesday. Perfect day to come in for a quick drink to unwind.