January Embers Read online

  You were the first girl I kissed. The first girl I touched. The first one I let touch me. Ariana bet that sex with Mik would be a lot different now. No more fumbling and girlish giggles. Just the kind of sex that two grown woman who wanted each other engaged in, with no fear or shame to simmer between them.

  That wasn’t going to happen. Not here. Not ever, if Ariana were smart enough. Yet she couldn’t bring herself to end the kiss she started. This was it. Their last kiss, the one she had craved for ten years.

  It would end on her terms. That’s all she knew – and cared about.

  “Ari…” That was the first thing out of Mik’s mouth when Ariana finally turned her head. The wetness on her lips was all rain, no kiss. The taste of freshly fallen precipitation had never been so strong. Neither had the cool rush of blood covering Ari’s tongue, as she bit down so hard on it that she feared she’d choke.

  Mikaiya was still in her grasp. Small. Weak. Submissive. Three things Ari never thought of her as when they dated. Mik had always been the outgoing and popular one. She had a whole softball team to fuel her ego, and teachers who adored her witty intellect in class. Ariana always considered herself the luckiest girl in Clark High, because she was dating the lesbian equivalent of the star quarterback. In my humblest of opinions, anyway. She may never have been cheerleading material, regardless of how others perceived her, but Ariana Mura had always considered herself the perfect foil to Mik’s natural extroversion and ability to charm the pants off any woman, regardless of age.

  I guess things have changed. That’s all Ari could think as she considered the wispy woman in her grasp.

  Yet she still wanted her. That was the dangerous thing.

  “I’m gonna go.” Ari released Mik from her hold, walking away as if they had merely shaken hands instead of made out like heathens on top of a mountain. “See you around. Give your grandma my regards.”

  “Hey!” Mik threw her arms up toward the sky in disbelief. The rain let up a little, but not enough to keep her from looking like a drowned rat at the summit of Wolf’s Hill. “What the hell, Ari? You gonna screw my mouth then get the hell out?”

  Ari waved to her ex-girlfriend from over her shoulder. “Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?”

  “Oh, you bitch!”

  Something about the tone in Mik’s voice was sweet music to Ari’s ears. Sure, it was a dick move to kiss her then dump her out in the middle of nowhere, but wasn’t it a form of poetic justice? Their high school English teachers would have loved how much Ari had learned literary theory since her regular Cs in English class. Stephen King has taught me soooo much. Following him on social media had inspired her to be a little more caustic in real life as well. If he could call his dog Thing of Evil, then she could think of Mik as Ghost of Past Evils. Now Ari was putting Mik firmly into the past with each step she took down the hill.

  Mikaiya did not come after her.

  By the time Ari reached her truck, the highway and the parking lot were devoid of life. The only other sign of humanity was Mik’s truck, and it was as empty as Ari’s heart as she turned on her engine and pulled out of the parking lot. She may have been drenched in rain, but she had never felt so refreshed.

  Until she got home, anyway.

  She first stepped into the mudroom, where she stripped off her wet jacket, scarf, and gloves. The boots were tossed into the corner. Her socks were likewise soaked, which she hadn’t noticed until she tried wiggling her toes in a warm room. Those came off, too. The only things she didn’t take off were her jeans and pullover, and that was because she didn’t know who else might be home.

  Nobody, it turned out. Ari had the whole place to herself. She opted to take a hot shower, where she lightly scrubbed the weirdness of the day off her skin.

  It wasn’t until she turned around and saw her face in the fogged up mirror hanging in the back of the shower that she realized what had happened.

  I kissed her. Those lips in her reflection had done the unthinkable. The fantasized, yet unthinkable. I wasn’t supposed to do that. Ari wasn’t supposed to be weak anymore. She was better than that. She could get through one private encounter with Mik and not kiss her.

  Why had she done that? Was it really weakness? Or something else?

  I still love her…

  It didn’t matter how many times Ariana thought that. It still felt like the first time, every time. Yet instead of feeling the fluttering of a heart falling in love all over again, she only experienced that adrenaline pumping through her veins, warning her that everything was about to come crashing down on top of her head.

  She had done the unthinkable. Something she always swore she would never do should Mikaiya come storming back into her life. For every fantasy young Ariana Mura entertained about hugging and kissing Mikaiya again, there were ten more about slapping her and telling her to fuck off forever.

  If only Ariana had embraced the correct fantasy that day.

  She tapped her forehead against the shower wall, steam evaporating her tears and hot water washing away her pride.

  Chapter 11

  MIKAIYA

  “I’m off again!” Skylar pumped her purse into the air before opening the front door. “Wish me luck for this one! I really need a job around here!” She was gone before anyone could wish her well.

  Mik crossed her arms on the kitchen table and lowered her head between them. A sigh pushed through the Formica. Although the sun was shining outside for the first time in days, she couldn’t bring herself to drink in the rays of much-needed Vitamin D. Took too much effort. Like it took too much effort to check in on her grandmother, who was last seen watching daytime soap operas while furiously working on a knitting project.

  It had been two days since Mikaiya went with Ariana up Wolf’s Hill and allowed herself to be sucked into the past. She kissed me. She seriously kissed me, yes? While Mikaiya didn’t doubt the validity of the kiss, she refused to believe that it was Ariana who started it. Yet she had, hadn’t she? Mik hadn’t dreamed it up, had she? Because she would rather die than believe in a world where the woman she still loved so much hadn’t kissed her first.

  Mik was stuck between two impossible worlds. In one, she begged to get the hell away from this place. To forget anything had happened between her and Ari, the girl she tried to forget, although her heart refused. In the other? She pined after Ariana Mura to the point she was willing to lay her heart bare before her, in the hopes that Ari could see how sorry she was. If Mikaiya had the power to change the past, she would have! She knew that now. She knew the reason she was terrified to come back to Paradise Valley wasn’t only because she feared facing Ariana again, but also because she feared renewing that love that had never let her go.

  The kiss replayed itself in an indefinite loop. Every time something wet or cold touched Mikaiya’s lips, she remembered how Ariana had all but shoved her down into the mud, not to beat her up like she deserved, but to cover her in the crazy kind of kisses they used to indulge when they were a crazier pair of kids.

  Mikaiya pulled herself away from the table before she suffocated on Formica. She stood in front of the window for an ungodly amount of time, wondering what the hell she should do. What could she do? Besides try to get over Ari again? She doesn’t want me. She made that clear. There may still be something between them, but Mik had ruined it by being the biggest coward Paradise Valley had ever seen. Her reputation would always precede her in that town. She was better off hiding in her grandmother’s house until it was time to move on again. Let Skylar get to know everyone by running the errands. Maybe it would help her get a job. God knew Mik needed to start thinking about her future funds. Before this business with Ariana, she had thought about doing freelance marketing consultations. Online, of course. Because she doubted most of the small businesses around Paradise Valley gave a hoot about her big city-girl opinions.

  What was a gal to do when she was in this kind of funk? Besides go to her grandmother, of course.

  “Want some tea,
Grandma?” Mikaiya rummaged through the plastic bin by the toaster. The one full of loose, unmarked tea bags, because who cared about caffeinated vs. decaf, or flavored herbal teas vs. plain black? Oh, well. It was early enough in the day that they could both use a little caffeine. “I’m starting the kettle.”

  She heard a gruff affirmative over the latest scandal to besiege the southern Californian community depicted in the current soap opera. Mik remained in the kitchen until the water was boiled and two tea bags in their selected mugs. Mikaiya sniffed the aroma of the bags. Eh. Peach blossom? Earl gray? She was giving up. Give me some damn tea. She wanted the distraction from the shit-show playing in her mind. Besides, a chat with her grandmother might be what she needed. Not what she wanted, if her instincts about what they might talk about were correct, but what she needed? Definitely.

  With a sigh, she carried out both steaming hot mugs to the living room and found Abby slowly making progress on her scarf. Her glazed-over eyes barely registered what was playing on TV. Jeez… somebody did need some caffeine, huh?

  “Here you go.” Mik placed the mugs on a tray before wheeling it over to her grandmother’s seat. “Thought you could use some.” She flopped down on the nearby couch, blanket spilling over her. A quick glance toward the front windows told her that no busy-bodies passing by could see her from that far away. Let’s hope it stays that way. Mik wasn’t in the mood for the neighbors to make fun of how she drank her tea while her hair badly needed a combing and her clothes looked like she hadn’t changed them in over a day. (She hadn’t.) “Anything good on TV?”

  Abby grunted again. She didn’t touch her tea. Her knitting needles slowed until Mikaiya looked over and saw her grandmother nodding off to sleep. She had been sleeping more and more that week. Doctor said it was normal for a woman recovering from a stroke. Still, why did it make her granddaughter so uncomfortable?

  I hate seeing how much older she’s getting. Abby had always been that tough rock in Mik’s life. She had survived a failed marriage… and the premature death of both children. She had raised a granddaughter when Mik’s mother was working herself to death to provide for her daughter’s college fund. At least I made good use of it. Abby wasn’t afraid to get her hands dirty or take care of her own house. Landscaping, renovations… there wasn’t anything she couldn’t teach herself to do. Even when it was cheaper to hire someone else to do it, Abby Marcott preferred to make it herself. So to see her suffering, let alone showing her age, only served to remind Mikaiya that life was in constant flux.

  People came and went. They were born. They died, sometimes unexpectedly. It’s not fair. Why did most children have to experience this the hard way? Over and over?

  “Know who I’ve been bumping into around town?” Mik blew the steam off her tea and settled into the comfiest crevice of the couch. I’ve had many bouts of the flu on this couch. How old is it, anyway? She’s had it since I was in what… middle school? The TV was the newest thing in the room. “Ariana. I knew I was going to bump into her here, but we actually had a talk yesterday. I didn’t tell anyone I was going out because I didn’t want you to worry about me… Anyway, I told her about why I left graduation night. I’m not sure she believed me. It doesn’t matter. She’s still pissed. I opened those old wounds. Including for myself.” Mik sighed, placing her mug on the end table next to the couch. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be dragging this up right now. Just making things terribly uncomfortable for everyone.” She pushed herself up and turned her head toward Abby. “Grandma?”

  No response.

  “Grandma?” Mikaiya tossed the blanket to the side and swung her legs back toward the carpet. “You okay?”

  The needles were in Abby’s lap, and her head against the back of the chair. Her mouth was slightly open… and so were her eyes, which continued to stare at the ceiling as if she couldn’t move her neck if she tried.

  “Grandma!”

  Mikaiya had heard tales about the poor person who found Abby Marcott after her first stroke a few months ago. Mrs. Getty, one of the neighbors down Colorado Street, had stopped by to return a toolset she had borrowed two days before. The lights had been on in the kitchen, but no response had unsettled her until she peered through a side window and saw Abby crouched toward the floor, her body splayed in a most unnatural position. This explanation had, of course, come straight from Mrs. Getty’s mouth when she stopped by a week ago to welcome Mikaiya back to Paradise Valley. The way Abby told it, she had called 911 all by herself.

  911. That seemed fairly pertinent right now.

  There were other things Mik could have done. She had seen plenty of “Think FAST” brochures around the house since moving back. Yet none of them applied to the panic rising in Mik’s chest as she attempted to get her grandmother to respond to her. All she could think about was calling for someone to come help. Skylar wasn’t around. Mrs. Getty probably wouldn’t drop by at the perfect time. It was up to Mik, the girl who came home to make sure her grandmother got the care she needed.

  When the 911 operator asked about her emergency, Mik barely got the words, “I think my grandmother is having a stroke,” out of her mouth. A part of her didn’t want it to be true. Another part of her knew it was highly likely that Abby would be sick again before a year had passed since the first stroke. She had done everything she could to get her grandmother enjoying a healthier lifestyle, but diet and taking it easy could only do so much, the doctor said. “Some people are simply susceptible.”

  An ambulance was dispatched to the house. The ETA was five minutes, during which time Mik was asked to relay information about her grandmother’s condition. It was probably more of a tactic to keep Mikaiya calm and focused on something besides her grandmother’s ailment, otherwise, what good was she?

  Someone pounded on the door.

  Mik still wasn’t thinking. With the phone plastered to her head, all she could imagine was that someone had picked the wrong time to come by for a visit. Instead of seeing one of Abby’s old friends on the other side of the door, however, she saw one of the last people she probably needed in her life right now.

  “What’s going on?” It was Ari, dressed for work and carrying her cases and whatever medical devices she deemed necessary for this call. Oh my God. How could I forget she was an EMT! Mik was so trapped in the moment that she had no idea how to prepare for the oncoming guests she was sure to recognize. “Something about a stroke? Is it your grandmother?”

  She didn’t wait for an answer. She pushed by Mikaiya, who confirmed with the 911 operator that the ambulance had arrived. A man followed Ariana into the house. They both beelined for Abby, mini flashlights turning on and soft voices filtering through the air.

  “Hey, Abby.” Ariana knelt beside the chair while the young man unpacked something from a bag. Mik was trapped on the other side of the room, afraid to move, and more afraid to put her phone away. She held it close to her chest and bit the cuticle off her right index finger. She should call or text Skylar. She should go outside for some air. Yet she could do neither, because she was too transfixed on the strange scene unfolding before her.

  The part of her that fretted for her grandmother warred with the part that wanted to scream at Ariana to do something, anything.

  Anything.

  “When did you first notice she wasn’t well?” the male EMT asked.

  Mik snapped herself back to reality. The one where her grandmother was possibly having another stroke… and the one where her ex came storming back into her life two days after kissing and dumping her on top of Wolf’s Hill. Ari was coolly confidant as she moved in that uniform that showcased how at ease she was at her job. Good! Wasn’t that what Mik wanted? Capable EMTs who were strong enough to pick people up yet calm enough to get through to them?

  “Ms. Marcott?” the man asked again.

  “Oh, uh… about ten minutes ago.” Mik stepped forward, careful to keep Ariana at a certain distance. “I brought her some tea. Last I had seen her she was knitting and watch
ing TV. Don’t know when this started. I had been in the other room most of the morning…”

  “Abby? Can you hear me?” Ariana waved one finger before Abby’s face. The man checked Abby’s vitals while Ariana continued to speak. “Do you know what day it is?”

  Whatever sound came out of Abby’s mouth, it wasn’t English. It probably wasn’t a real word in any language. That only made Mikaiya more worried.

  “Can you smile for me, Abby?” Two seconds later, Ari turned to her partner and muttered, “She’s not responding to my requests. We need to get her to the hospital.”

  Those words hit Mik right in the chest. “Is she going to be okay?” she asked the EMTs. She didn’t care which one answered her.

  “I don’t know right now.” Ari passed her to grab the stretcher on the other side of the front door. “Our main concern is getting her safely to the hospital. Is your friend around here somewhere?”

  She must have meant Skylar. “No. She’s out having interviews.” Mik turned on her phone, but the first anxious sob took hold of her. “Why?”

  “Wasn’t sure if you wanted to ride in the back or not. We’ll be taking her to the county hospital.” A tiny smirk appeared on her face. “Same one you were at last week.”

  Two visits in two weeks! What was up with the Marcott house, anyway? “Oh, my God. Is she having another stroke?”

  “Possibly. It looks like it.” Ari had to tear herself away from her ex to help Abby onto the stretcher. Mik stayed back, tears welling in her eyes. It was all she could do to keep from wailing like a child while she watched the old love of her life and a total stranger load her grandmother onto a stretcher and share their coded words to ensure Abby got into the back of the ambulance with no issue. “Grab her wallet!” Ari called to Mik once they were outside.

  Right. There were things Mik could do to help. Things like grabbing her grandmother’s satchel with her wallet in it and locking up the house on her way out the door. She had to race back inside when she realized she never turned down the heater. Mik left their undrunk tea in the living room, an unfortunate reminder that things had not gone to plan.